Tag: quotes n jokes
member name: Maria W.
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November 19, 2008 08:44 AM EST --
Q1: Mum, can I please have a cat for Christmas:
Ans: No. You'll have turkey the same us the rest of us.
Q2: What's the most popular Christmas wine?
Ans: 'I don't like Brussels . . .
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November 19, 2008 08:51 AM EST --
Picture this, it was just before Christmas, and the magistrate was in a happy mood. He asked the prisoner who was in the dock, 'What are you charged with?'
The prisoner replied, 'Doing . . .
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December 21, 2008 09:58 AM EST --
Winter in Kodiak, a time of little light.
The snow brightens the ground and the stars light up the night.
A cluster of Spruce sag deep, a drift in front of my car .
My heart weighs heavy. Thoughts . . .
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October 27, 2008 06:58 PM EDT --
Got this from my canadien friend. Thought you like it, lol
Somewhere in Newfoundland
'Hello, is this the Police Office?'
'Yes. What can I do for you?'
. . .
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October 22, 2008 09:17 AM EDT --
Got this in an email. Hope you like it, lol
Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other,
. . .
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October 08, 2008 05:23 PM EDT --
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
George Burns
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October 20, 2008 11:51 AM EDT --
Got this in an e-mail, thought it was funny. I hope i dont offend any of my Blonde Friends.
A Blonde goes to Bed Bath & Beyond to buy curtains.
She tells . . .
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October 20, 2008 11:59 AM EDT --
An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the
receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will
prepared.
The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for . . .
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October 24, 2008 09:50 AM EDT --
The following is seen in a Florida newspaper:
Ever had a day like this?
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine . . .
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October 24, 2008 09:51 AM EDT --
At New York's Kennedy airport today an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a square, a slide . . .
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October 24, 2008 09:53 AM EDT --
A mother was walking with her four year old daughter one day when the daughter picked up something off the ground and started to put it into her mouth. The mother stopped her and said she shouldn't . . .
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October 24, 2008 10:01 AM EDT --
The baby was coming way too fast so the paramedics were called. To make it worse, when they arrived, there was a power outage. The paramedics asked the four year old sister to hold the flashlight for . . .
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October 26, 2008 09:07 AM EDT --
A young couple was on their way to get married when they had an accident and died. Now they were in front of St. Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married. St. Peter told them, he would . . .
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October 26, 2008 09:02 AM EDT --
<hr>There was a blond, brunette, and a red head, and they all decided to go camping.
They needed food so the redhead walked out into the forest, and two hours later came back with a rabbit over . . .
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November 07, 2008 10:47 AM EST --
Found on the Internet also.
Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year."
~P. . . .
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November 17, 2008 07:51 AM EST --
'The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.'
Jay . . .
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November 17, 2008 08:02 AM EST --
A man attempted to rob a Bank of America located in San Francisco. He walked into the branch and wrote, 'this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag'.
While standing in line, waiting . . .
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November 17, 2008 08:08 AM EST --
Here are delightful quotations to help appreciate and reflect on Christmas.
'Christmas is the keeping-place for memories of our innocence.'
Joan Mills
'Christmas waves . . .
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November 27, 2008 02:41 PM EST --
Motor Insurance Quotes from Claim Forms
1. "I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.".
2. I knocked over a man. . . .
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November 28, 2008 10:17 AM EST --
From R.Hynes
My wife and I have the secret to making the marriage last...
Twice a week we go to a nice restaurant, have some good food, a little wine and companionship. She goes Tuesday . . .
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